Dealing with Energy Drains

Do you have a relationship or situation that causes you stress and anxiety, but that you cling to anyway – trying everything you can think of just to hold on to it? Recognizing and dealing with an energy drain is tough. Perseverance is a respectable quality, but holding on to something that brings turmoil and chaos into your life won’t do anyone any good. Least of all you.

This week I had to give up a pet. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.

We found a stray dog on vacation in 2008 and brought her home. We named her Jingles because we found her on Christmas day. She was pitifully thin, sweet as could be, nervous as heck and we opened our hearts and home to her. We had a dog already, but decided that we could make room for one more. We nourished her and nurtured her, got her spayed and housebroken (eventually), and built up her confidence over time. She had issues with other dogs, so we invested in training classes and dog behaviorists to help her. Six months into it we knew we were over our heads, but it took us another year to finally decide to find her a new home.

The struggle was enormous, but in the end it came down to this: the stress was poisoning our family. Sweet as she was, adding a second dog was draining us of energy. She would get jealous of attention paid to our other dog, compete with him for food, and always seemed in a frenzy to claim more of us. She needed a family who could spend more time with her during the day, not one where both spouses work. She needed more exercise, though I did try to conquer my phobia of bicycles in an effort to fulfill her needs. She needed more kids to rub her tummy. She needed a household where she could be the only pet. And I believe that we have found her one.

What does this have to do with engaging your strengths?

Perhaps nothing on the surface, but I believe the reason we are given challenges in life is to struggle through them, learn lessons and share the stories with others in the hope that it can help someone else. Besides, you might have wondered where I’ve been this past week.

There is something entirely relevant about this story. Identifying, developing and communicating your strengths takes energy. You can’t do any of these things if that energy is being constantly drained by a stressful situation or relationship.

Are you trying to make a tough decision about giving something up?

I wanted to make a three point process out of this, but it really comes down to 5 questions that only you can answer:

• Have you tried several different solutions to resolve the problem?
• If you found something that helps, can you sustain the changes needed to make things better?
• Can you actually solve the problem instead of just reducing the symptoms?
• Will putting up with the problem now help you create a better life for yourself in the end?
• Is the problem likely to change with the passage of time?

In our case, the answers were: yes, no, no, no, and no. At that point our decision was clear. We did find some things that helped, but nothing would actually solve this. It was a misfit of needs, of energy levels, and of personalities. I will never know why she came into our lives if it wasn’t so we could keep her in our family. A wise friend of mine suggested that the reason might have been to help her become adoptable by a new family. That thought provides me some comfort.

Jingles seems happy in her new home with her new family, though she will always hold a place in our hearts. We have more time for each other and our other dog. We can come home and relax. We can all breathe. And I’ve learned a powerful lesson.

Your energy provides you the strength to lead a powerful life. Make sure you are spending that energy on things that are important to you. And be willing to acknowledge it when something is draining more energy than you can replenish.