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May 9, 2010 By

Be a Good Mom … to Yourself

Mothers do so much for us. They give us life, nurture us through our baby stages, and model behavior so we learn to conduct ourselves and lead a successful life. Now that I am a mother, I know how it feels to make the rules that others live by – and it’s not as easy as it appeared to be when I was little. As adults we might know how to set rules for others, but we often don’t care for ourselves as well as we would care for our child. Do you ever feel as if you are in need of nurturing? Following Mom’s Rules might help:

Rule #1: Get Enough Rest

baby gorilla

Photo by Bart Dubelaar

Remember how Mom insisted on a bedtime far earlier than you felt was necessary? She had a point, and it wasn’t just the health benefits that a good night’s sleep grants you. The truth is, you turned cranky when you didn’t have enough sleep. And you still do.

A night without enough sleep sets you up to be more reactive, stressed, and temperamental than you would be otherwise. Someone cuts you off in traffic and you get all worked up. You arrive to work already frustrated, which isn’t the best frame of mind when your coworker in the cube next door starts bickering with her boyfriend on the phone for the fifth time this week. You have a headache by mid-morning from clenching your teeth and trying to complete the project due today, and you just aren’t making any progress. This sets you up to reject the next Mom’s Rule:

Rule #2: Eat Your Fruits and Veggies

healthy food

Photo by EraPhernalia Vintage

It’s finally lunchtime, and your stomach isn’t happy with it’s four cups of coffee for breakfast. Healthy food at this point? Come on, who has the time? Besides, on a day like this you need comfort food. You’ll get back on your eating plan tomorrow. You need to cut yourself a break. Today, no one else will. So you down that plate of nachos and a refreshing soda, and then go in search of that chocolate bar you saw in the break room earlier.

Without food in your system, your body will crash like last year’s housing market. That lunch wasn’t food. It was processed junk. If you haven’t read Michael Pollan’s recent book In Defense of Food (affiliate link), spend the $10 today. It’s worth every penny. It’s not your imagination that Mom’s food tasted better 20 years ago. It really did. The ingredients were fresher, chemicals weren’t added to every product you ate, and the bitter taste of artificial sweetener resigned foods that contained them to the adult’s world. These days it’s hard to find foods without sugar, corn syrup, or chemicals in them.

As Pollan says, “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” It’s that simple. Not easy, but simple. Mom knew that 20 years ago, and if we had continued with her advice we would all be a lot healthier.

Rule #3: Go Play Outside

cat playing

Photo by Kaibara 87

What a day! You get home and fling yourself on the sofa. You’re beat, and you deserve a beer while you watch some TV. Yep, time to veg. You’ve earned it. But what, exactly, did you earn? The chance to placidly re-live the experiences of others through your favorite reality show while you order takeout? Is this what you want in life? A few programs later, you suddenly realize that it’s 11:30pm. Whew! You made it to the end of the day, and you are exhausted. Definitely time for bed. You have another long day ahead of you tomorrow.

Wait a minute! What is this madness? Let’s rewind.

A Day Following Mom’s Rules

The alarm goes off at 6 and you’re able to get up without hitting the snooze button 5 times, which means you have time to grab a quick breakfast before heading off to work. Boy, are you glad you got to sleep by 10 last night! Traffic is heavy, but no worries. You listen to a book from Audible on the way, and your creative genius wakes up with some fun new ideas.

You settle into your cube and start on the project that’s due today. An hour into it, you hear your coworker in the next cube yammering on the phone as usual. Should you confront her? Nah, it will only distract you. You put your headphones on so you can focus on the work at hand.

happy flower

Photo by Robert Snache

Around 10 your stomach starts growling, so you munch on an apple while you outline the three points you need to make during your next presentation. The next two hours fly by since you are so absorbed in your work.

Suddenly you realize it’s lunchtime and you need a break. You think of some food choices based on what will actually fuel your body, and with some choices in mind you head down to the cafeteria. You spot a friend in line, and invite her to catch up during lunch since you have a few minutes. You enjoy your chicken breast, green beans and fruit while hearing about your friend’s latest escapades. Refreshed and somewhat full, you head back upstairs to get to that 1pm meeting. You only have a couple of hours to finish that project, but you refuel with some carrots and hummus and email the final draft to your boss before leaving the office.

What a day! You get home, change clothes, and grab a handful of nuts as a quick snack before heading out the door. You need to get outside, if only for a few minutes, to clear your head and separate work from relaxation. You grab Bowser’s leash and chat with a couple of neighbors during your walk around the block.

Relaxed and back home, you make dinner and enjoy your evening while you visit with friends or family. You watch your favorite program, then turn off the TV so you can write a blog post or Tweet with your friends before it gets too late. You’ve had a full day, and you want to be rested for tomorrow.

Do your Mom’s Rules help you live a stronger life?

Forget living a whole life following Mom’s Rules. Striving for daily perfection can cause stress of it’s own. But how about for one day? One week? Do you notice your outlook changing?

What were your Mom’s rules when you were growing up? Which ones could help you in your life now?

Filed Under: Energy, Finding Passion, Ideas
May 4, 2010 By

Dealing with Energy Drains

Jingles

Jingles

Do you have a relationship or situation that causes you stress and anxiety, but that you cling to anyway – trying everything you can think of just to hold on to it? Recognizing and dealing with an energy drain is tough. Perseverance is a respectable quality, but holding on to something that brings turmoil and chaos into your life won’t do anyone any good. Least of all you.

This week I had to give up a pet. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.

We found a stray dog on vacation in 2008 and brought her home. We named her Jingles because we found her on Christmas day. She was pitifully thin, sweet as could be, nervous as heck and we opened our hearts and home to her. We had a dog already, but decided that we could make room for one more. We nourished her and nurtured her, got her spayed and housebroken (eventually), and built up her confidence over time. She had issues with other dogs, so we invested in training classes and dog behaviorists to help her. Six months into it we knew we were over our heads, but it took us another year to finally decide to find her a new home.

The struggle was enormous, but in the end it came down to this: the stress was poisoning our family. Sweet as she was, adding a second dog was draining us of energy. She would get jealous of attention paid to our other dog, compete with him for food, and always seemed in a frenzy to claim more of us. She needed a family who could spend more time with her during the day, not one where both spouses work. She needed more exercise, though I did try to conquer my phobia of bicycles in an effort to fulfill her needs. She needed more kids to rub her tummy. She needed a household where she could be the only pet. And I believe that we have found her one.

What does this have to do with engaging your strengths?

Perhaps nothing on the surface, but I believe the reason we are given challenges in life is to struggle through them, learn lessons and share the stories with others in the hope that it can help someone else. Besides, you might have wondered where I’ve been this past week.

There is something entirely relevant about this story. Identifying, developing and communicating your strengths takes energy. You can’t do any of these things if that energy is being constantly drained by a stressful situation or relationship.

Are you trying to make a tough decision about giving something up?

I wanted to make a three point process out of this, but it really comes down to 5 questions that only you can answer:

  • Have you tried several different solutions to resolve the problem?
  • If you found something that helps, can you sustain the changes needed to make things better?
  • Can you actually solve the problem instead of just reducing the symptoms?
  • Will putting up with the problem now help you create a better life for yourself in the end?
  • Is the problem likely to change with the passage of time?

In our case, the answers were: yes, no, no, no, and no. At that point our decision was clear. We did find some things that helped, but nothing would actually solve this. It was a misfit of needs, of energy levels, and of personalities. I will never know why she came into our lives if it wasn’t so we could keep her in our family. A wise friend of mine suggested that the reason might have been to help her become adoptable by a new family. That thought provides me some comfort.

Jingles seems happy in her new home with her new family, though she will always hold a place in our hearts. We have more time for each other and our other dog. We can come home and relax. We can all breathe. And I’ve learned a powerful lesson.

Your energy provides you the strength to lead a powerful life. Make sure you are spending that energy on things that are important to you. And be willing to acknowledge it when something is draining more energy than you can replenish.

Filed Under: Energy, Finding Passion, Ideas
April 24, 2010 By

Turn a Creative Spark into a Bonfire: Part 2

camp fire

Photo by jackol

If you read part one of this series last weekend, your own creative muse has probably given you some fresh new ideas this week. You’ve captured them, given yourself permission to put them down if you lose interest, and you know exactly which friends to share them with. Using the bonfire building analogy, you have a few creative flames that you are shielding from the harsh winds of disapproval and expectation. Now, how do you take those flames and build them into a fire that’s big enough to withstand not only those harsh winds but is also able to covert a big wet log or two into fuel for the fire?

We’ll get there. This week, let’s work on three ways to grow that creative flame into a nice medium sized fire.

1) Keep your “but” small

In part one we talked about identifying your “kindling” friends – those friends who welcome your fresh ideas and inspire you to think of more. When you talk to them, what do you do when they start to suggest alternatives? Is your first reaction to say, “But if I do that, I’ll never …” or “But that wasn’t what I meant!”?

Don’t have a big “but”. In fact, do your best to strike that word from your vocabulary. This is your friend who supports you, who inspires you, who joins you in the creative dance of developing ideas. The last thing in the world you want to do is cut off their feedback with a knee-jerk response.

Instead, try “Great! What else would you suggest?” or “Thanks! Tell me more!” Then sit back and listen, because encouraging them will likely bring up one or two more additional suggestions.

2) Add more fuel

You’ve received feedback from a few friends. Now take that feedback and see if you can make your fire bigger.

What suggestions did you like? If you incorporate them, how does your idea take shape?

What feedback did you not like? You are coming at this from your own perspective, and your friend is giving you feedback based on theirs. How can you use that? Others you share this idea with later will probably approach and react to situations the same way your friend does. Will incorporating your friend’s ideas help you appeal to a wider audience? Think about those points again – really think – and see if there is anything in there that you can use after all. What happens if you give those suggestions a try?

3) Play the “What if?” game

Once your fire gets going, it needs a small challenge or two in order to grow. Before you expose your fire to your more challenging friends, play “What if?” in your mind and predict the objections or critiques your friends are likely to bring up.

Do you have an action-oriented friend (perhaps with a red temperament) who has a hard time seeing the intangible? What examples of this idea in action can you give them to help them envision it? What do you think will happen as a result of your idea?

Is one of your steady, persistant friends (perhaps with a gold temperament) likely to ask how you know this idea will work this time when your other 42 ideas haven’t? What past experiences of yours will tie into this idea to increase the likelihood it will work? How can you express to this friend that it might not work, but you want to try it anyway because if you try nothing you know it will result in nothing?

Will your objective, rational friend (perhaps a blue temperament) challenge you to come up with a logical application of your idea? What problem do you think your idea will solve? Are there competing products or ideas that solve the same problem? What makes yours different than the competition?

What can you say to your sensitive, people-oriented friend (perhaps a green temperament) who asks how this will make the world better or how it will benefit people? Why do you feel so strongly about this idea? What personal story can you tell that illustrates the problem or explains the benefit?

Today’s Strength Building Challenge

If you liked the ideas on turning your flame of an idea into a nice sized fire, here are some actions you can take to engage your strengths:

  • Create a new phrase to replace your “But …” response. It must be simple enough to use whenever you encounter an objection or critique, even when you are feeling vulnerable. Something like, “Great!” or “Thanks! What else?” works for me.
  • Explore new ideas, even if they are different from yours. When someone gives you their own ideas, see if you can connect them to yours even if it doesn’t sound like it will at first. Can their idea make yours better or expand it in some way?
  • Incorporate other perspectives. Read through the descriptions of the four temperaments and see how you can develop your idea to stand up to the questions that people with different perspectives will ask. What actions, past examples, logic and stories will make it even better?

The next post in this series will you take your energetic, healthy fire of an idea and grow it into an unstoppable raging bonfire.

Filed Under: Developing Strengths, Ideas
April 20, 2010 By

Why You Should Never Try to Fix a Weakness

Wendy and the Bike

Me, Jingles and the Dreaded Bike

I have a lifelong phobia of riding bicycles. I can ride horses at a gallop over 4 foot fences with no fear. I can drive 6 inches away from car bumpers in DC-style rush hour traffic without hesitation. But put me on a bike and I become a quivering, jelly-kneed, mass of fear.

Why am I telling you this? Because this weekend I voluntarily bought and rode a bicycle for the first time in 20 years. And I survived to tell the tale.

The only reason I did this was for the love of a 20 pound mutt that we adopted a year ago. She loves to run. And I don’t.

To distract myself, I started thinking about what kind of lesson this might help to illustrate. After all, this should benefit someone besides my dog and the neighbors who must have laughed at the sight of me lurching around our streets like a drunken sailor. Three thoughts came to mind:

1. Stop trying to fix a weakness – at best, you will go from terrible to merely bad or from bad to mediocre.

I will never be able to coast, relaxed and happy, on a bicycle. If I ride it every day (and it looks as if I might, because my dog enjoys it), my best hope is to become bad at it. Eventually people might laugh less, but I will never look natural on a bike. I will always go pale, knock kneed, and clammy with sweat before I even leave the driveway.

What is your weakness at work? Are you trying to fix it? How many of your conversations with your manager have to do with improving your performance in that area? Do you make excuses and tell her you’ll “try harder” or “work on it”?

Stop doing that! Instead, focus on growing in your areas of strength. In a strong area, you will go from good to terrific or terrific to phenomenal. Doesn’t that sound better than struggling to become mediocre?

2. Acknowledge your weakness, and craft a strength statement to offset it.

There’s something about having other people notice our weaknesses that makes us leap to defend ourselves. Why waste your energy? Acknowledge to yourself and to others that it isn’t your strong suit. Then move on to emphasize a strength.

Weaknesses are not a character flaw. A weakness is a flip side of one of your strengths. What is that strength, and how can you capitalize on that when the conversation turns to a weakness of yours?

I am great at getting things started. I can motivate others, form a team, evangelize a mission, and get things going. As the project gets to the halfway point, my interest and enthusiasm taper off. By the end, I’m struggling to be engaged in the work we’re doing at all. I find myself constantly volunteering for new opportunities, and I’ve found it best to openly talk about this when I take on new projects. If I don’t set the expectations of those around me, they won’t know where to expect the best from me.

The truth is, I’m the best at all the activities at the beginning of the project management lifecycle. Brainstorming, identifying the problem to solve, cultivating a team to address it, building enthusiasm, establishing rapport with stakeholders – all these are very strong areas for me. I’m also not bad at designing a solution and shepherding it through the start of the implementation phase. Talk to me about documenting the solution or making it a repeatable process or establishing consistency and my eyes glass over.

Where do you excel? Craft phrases that articulate your strengths and learn to express them to your coworkers, managers and prospective employers. Let them know where to expect the most from you.

3. Recognize the times when you must achieve competence in a weak area.

Sometimes life demands that we develop skills where none exist. If you can’t partner with someone who is strong in your weak spots and you can’t escape the activity, you just have to buckle down and get it done.

However, don’t crush yourself under the expectation of perfection. Dedicate yourself to getting something done, even if it’s an 80% solution. If you can’t hit a home run, at least get your runner to third base and set your team up to succeed. Strive to be competent. Don’t kill yourself trying to be outstanding.

When you have to do something you hate, there are two things that might help. First, attack it during the time of day when you have the most energy. Procrastination will not help. Bite the bullet. Second, bookend the dreaded activity with work in areas of your strength. Recognize that working on tasks you hate drains your energy. Replenish yourself with things that you love to do.

Today’s Strength Building Challenge

Next time you come face to face with a weakness, stare it down. You know how to handle it now:

  • Stop trying to fix it
  • Acknowledge it and offset it with a strength
  • Strive for competency in weak areas, not perfection

Work on the tasks you hate early, and finish the day with an activity you love. Then smile all the way home. And if you pass someone on a bicycle who rides like a drunken sailor, please be kind.

Filed Under: Finding Passion, Ideas Tagged With: ,
April 18, 2010 By

Turn a Creative Spark into a Bonfire: Part 1

Strike a Match

Photo by laszlo-photo

What do you do when you have a new idea, want to share it, but hate that “Really? Another idea that you’ll never follow through on? Not again!” response from people you’ve shared ideas with before? This is the first of a three part series on turning your creative spark into a bonfire. After following this first step, you will know exactly how to nourish your fledgling ideas so they will grow into a brilliant solution, product, or blog post instead of allowing them to be sent to an early grave where they’ll come back to haunt you as regret or guilt for not acting on them.

The Scenario

Let’s imagine that you have just read a book, heard a lecture, or seen a billboard that sparked a new way of thinking. Now you have a new idea that you are all enthusiastic about. What now?

Should you talk about it to some of your closest friends and family and share your enthusiasm?

Or should you keep it to yourself for a while, mull it over, develop it into maturity before you discuss it with anyone?

Yes.

The truth is that both reflection and sharing are important to helping your idea blossom, and your preferences will influence which comes most naturally to you. If your personality type is outgoing and flexible,you will probably have lots of ideas and share them with most everyone you know. That’s great when you have a friend who is similar to you (like a retriever or another otter), but when you encounter the people who are reserved and structured (and there are a LOT of them) your new creative spark can be quickly smothered by their wet blanket reception or squashed by their heavy expectations.

When you are building a real fire, you start with a match and some newspaper to get a flame going. Your match is your burning desire to create that killer blog post, be known at work for developing brilliant solutions, or develop the product that changes people’s lives. Your newspaper is a daily feed of fresh ideas.

Here are the three steps to subscribing to your own “Muse News”:

1) Capture the Ideas

If you don’t catch the ideas your muse sends to you and put them somewhere for safekeeping, she will quit tossing them to you and start throwing them to someone else. Find a way to record your thoughts so you can come back to them later.

I use either yellow sticky notes or Dragon Dictation on my iPhone or iPad, depending on where I am. LaVonne Ellis at completeflake.com suggests some more great tools to help you do this. If you are a blogger, you can also save a draft post with the main points of your thought (Don’t forget to draft the main points you will make, because you can easily compile a list of draft themes and later have no idea what you intended to say about any of the themes. Not that I have much experience with this problem.[blush]).

You don’t have to write a complete post, and sometimes it helps to not even use a computer. Your thoughts might come more easily if you make a quick mind map on a blank sheet of paper to get yourself started. This series of posts was created that way.

The important thing is to capture those ideas so you can go back to them later. Once you’ve done that, you can get on with your day (or your shower, or your drive, or whatever you were doing when the idea came to you).

2) Give yourself permission to entertain the idea and get wildly excited, but put it down at any time

Once you have it, nurture that little flame. See if there are any other ideas you’ve captured in the past that link to this one. How do they relate? Together, do they start to make a process? If so, where do they lead?

If not, how might this idea apply to a problem that someone has? Could it be part of a solution for someone? If so, who and what else would they need to solve the problem?

Is this something you can follow through on now? Can you use it to make a product in a weekend, create a website in three days, or help your work team become brilliant? If so, take action on it!

What other thoughts are related to this one? If you can’t think of any more good ideas to bring into the mix, challenge yourself to come up with 10 bad ideas. I bet one of them will end up helping. (And you are recording those bad ideas too as part of step one, right?)

If your idea starts to wither away and your enthusiasm wanes, give yourself permission to drop it. The joy of having lots of fresh ideas and capturing them for future reference is that you can abandon any that don’t cry out for action right now. Later on, you might find that another idea down the road relates to it and you’ll be happy to recorded it.

3) Share it with your kindling friends

If you take the flame you’ve created and wave it around to all your friends and neighbors, the harsh winds of criticism will snuff it out almost instantly and you’ll be left holding nothing but ash. Instead, use the friends and family who are similar to you as idea “kindling” and save the sharing with the structured folks for after you have a hearty fire going.

Who are your kindling friends? Those who encourage you to talk more about your idea and join in your enthusiasm. Those who ask questions that help you expand your thoughts. Those who contribute their own ideas to help yours grow healthy and strong. These are the people you want to go to first.

This doesn’t mean you ignore your more robust “log” type of friends. You will need them later on to help your small fire grow into a raging inferno. We will cover that in step three of this series. For now, though, nurturing your flame means sharing it with a limited audience.

Today’s Strength Building Challenge

If you liked these ideas, here are your action steps to start engaging your strengths:

  • Choose one system for capturing ideas. Commit to one week of carrying a digital voice recorder around, writing ideas on little yellow stickies, or making mind maps. If this week’s solution doesn’t work out very well, choose another one next week (and don’t forget to transfer this week’s ideas to the new system!).
  • Connect the dots. When you get a new idea to add to the collection, see if it can buddy up with an idea that you’ve captured earlier. If so, see if having the two parts together can form a new process, product or solution that you can share to solve a problem.
  • Identify your kindling friends. Which of your friends leaves you feeling happy and energetic whenever you go to them with a new idea? Or, identify them with these 5 steps to guessing a personality type. Make a list of these friends and stick it on your bathroom mirror, your car’s dashboard, or your computer monitor. Those are your “go to” people to share your fledgling ideas with this week.

The next post in this series will help grow your ideas from new flames to crackling, energetic fires to fuel your passionate life.

Filed Under: Developing Strengths, Ideas
March 21, 2010 By

Is the Work You Love Already in the Job You Have?

jumping with joy

Photo by bingramos


Do you have a good job and a decent salary, but feel dissatisfied and in need of a career change? Do you dream of breaking out of your current job to do the work you love? Do you already have a sideline business – or desperately want to start one? If so, this will soon be your website of choice for ideas, tools and action plans to help you find the work you love while still supporting yourself in the job you have.

Why I Started this Site

I had a conversation with a coworker this week that helped me fine tune my ideas for this website into a laser beam directed at those of you who say “Yes” to the questions above. I started this blog because I had been going through the above dilemmas. To some degree, I still am. I’ve made some headway and I wanted to share what I’ve learned with others about career change, finding your strengths, and doing work you love. That’s what started this, that’s the core reason.

What I found was a lot of information about how to quit your job and become successful doing something else. A few people make an instant career change and find success. Some do it and fail, and it destroys their hope to the point that they don’t ever dare to try again. Many more people never try at all, because they have an all or nothing mentality. They believe something like, “I want to do [my passion] but I can’t give up my job because [it pays the bills, my spouse would kill me, my parents would disown me, etc, etc, etc].” Some people discover that the work they love was theirs for the taking all along, even in the job they already have.

This blog is for everyone who wants to make a change, and it will talk you through how to transition – in big ways, in little incremental ways, in ways that work for you.

My Goal

I want to help you find your strengths, develop your talents, and communicate what you bring to the table that makes you unique. For some, that’s a long process and it needs to happen gradually. That’s okay – there are many people that are going down the same path. Others already know the career change for them, they just need someone to cheer them to victory. Some don’t have any idea where to start, which is where I was not too long ago.

It’s so important for you to find your spark, your motivation, your joy. Life is too short to feel depressed, anxious, and drained all the time. Or worse, to not know how you feel – a topic I plan to address this week. Hopefully, you will find some parts of this site that speak to you, inspire you, or make you think.

When I was going through it, I wasn’t sure where to start and I muddled my way through. Doing it that way takes longer. It’s a tougher fight. I needed to read or listen or talk with someone who had been there and could tell me what they learned and how. Not to be the master, the guru, the director of my life – but to be my friend through the process and share what they learned.

If I can do that for one person through this site, it will be worth it.

Your Turn

How can I help? Let me know in the comments.

Filed Under: Developing Strengths, Ideas
March 18, 2010 By

Are You the Boss People Hate?

grumpy person

Photo by photomishdan

What do your people say about you? Do they tell others how motivational you are? How you care about them, not just the bottom line? How you challenge them to do their best in their areas of strength?

No? What do you think they are saying about you, then? Hopefully, none of the following:

“My boss praises in private and criticizes in public.”

The first rule they teach in management training should be: Praise in public and critique in private. When you were new to management, they should have drilled it into you until you were mumbling it in your sleep.

Do you want your people to be creative? Take initiative? Act boldly? Then STOP embarrassing them in public by telling them what you think they did wrong in front of their peers (or worse, their direct reports)! First, you could be wrong – your opinion could be just that, and not fact. Second, that tentative suggestion that was way our of the box could have morphed into an award winning initiative with a little encouragement or praise for the part that was right. Third, if your people don’t admire your leadership style they will never learn from you. They won’t want to.

Instead, save the critique for when the two of you are alone. Didn’t we all watch “Bambi”? Remember Thumper’s rule: If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” This one is simple. Perhaps not easy, but simple.

“My boss puts down every new suggestion I make.”

It’s far easier to edit a draft then to start something yourself. It’s second nature to point out how to improve an idea, make the plan better, implement it more effectively. The only problem is that if you jump to give “constructive criticism” for each new idea, your people will stop bringing them to you.

Instead, ask questions. You can express your doubts and introduce ideas just as easily by asking open ended questions. Open ended questions begin with who, what, when, where, how or why.

  • Who do you think would benefit the most from this?
  • What impacts do you think this would have on people or processes down the road?
  • When do you think we’d realize a gain from this?
  • Where do you see this working the best?
  • How do you mean?
  • Why do you think this will make a difference?

Stop making statements. Start asking questions. You’ll be amazed at how much you learn about the people you work with and their capabilities. And they will love you for being receptive.

“My boss acts way too harsh/soft for me.”

Interaction styles are different. You can pick up several clues to personality type by observing your people and their reactions. If you just can’t figure out someone at the office, learning about personality type might give you some insight.

If you like to take charge and lead (reds and Lions especially), you might intimidate those with a softer side (like greens and Retrievers).

If you are risk averse and like to plan everything before you take action (like some golds and Beavers do), you might be driving those on your team who live to get things going (like Otters) or enjoy exploring new ideas (like blues) crazy.

Many people don’t think about this, but if you are gentle and well meaning and in a leadership position it can be a problem too. Why? If you get along with everyone, strive to mediate conflict, and try to have everyone join in a group project and you are managing someone who is very driven, hard charging, or is fiercely independent – they are going to expect you to act in a much more directive way than your natural manner. Why? Because they expect to be led as they would lead, and that means giving direction instead of collaboratively working toward a common goal.

Leadership Styles

Am I suggesting you try to change your true nature based on your team profile? No, you wouldn’t be successful if you did that. Your success is based on using your strengths, and your personality type can be a guidepost to discovering them.

However, if you seek to understand what your team members expect from a leader and the actions that bring out the best in them, you will become the boss we all dream of having someday. You will become the leader that others choose to follow.

Your Turn

I could go on with more examples, but better yet … why don’t you? What would you love to tell your boss if you could? What feedback have you received from others? Please share in the comments!

Filed Under: Ideas, Personality
March 13, 2010 By

Should You Appear Naked on the Social Media Stage?

"nude woman"

Photo by perfectoinsecto

Alanis Morissette. Steve Pavlina. Catherine Caine. What do these three people have in common? They are all passionate people, and have all appeared to their audiences in the nude.

Emotional Nudity

The Google dictionary says: “Nudity is the state of wearing no clothing. It is related to the concept of modesty and is sometimes used to refer to wearing significantly less clothing than expected by the conventions of a particular culture and situation, and in particular exposing the bare skin or intimate parts.” But I’m not talking about appearing without clothes (except for Morissette). That’s only one definition of nudity. I’m talking about the immodest, unvarnished, intimate, shocking, often impromptu exposure of passion.

Alanis Morissete performed concerts in the nude (I think it was because she was passionate about a cause). Steve Pavlina, who I used to read religiously and promote to friends, starting blogging about his open marriage (and his subsequent divorce). And Catherine Caine recently went on a passionate rant about the lie of social media (the fallout from that emotional post inspired this one).

The Cocktail Party Level of Life

Social media is just a great big virtual cocktail party. There are those who chat about celebrities and TV events and movies and the daily news. There are those who retell the latest joke, talk about the latest books, and share insights about current events. There’s even “that guy” who tries to work the room, telling you about how his business would suit all your needs and handing out business cards with abandon.

When Social Media Becomes Meaningful

There comes a point, though, when we just get tired of the cocktail level of life. We want to connect, we want to share, we want to get personal. That’s when the true value of social media kicks in. Who knew that I would ever connect with someone in Australia who would motivate me and help me find my virtual voice? How else would I have ever learned lessons about using internet tools to connect with people from a guy in California? How else would I get daily inspiration from people around the world sharing ideas and insights on Twitter?

That doesn’t mean you get to run through the party with wild abandon, screaming expletives and calling people jerks. At least, not without the “What have I done?” moment of sobriety and the subsequent guilt and self-recrimination at the end of such a wild night. But that is when you find out who your true friends are – whether they are virtual or not. They call you on it, they tell you their side of the story … and then, once you’ve apologized, they forgive you and move on.

Should You Show Some Skin?

What should we, as bloggers and writers and speakers and tweeters, expose to our audiences? Should we just talk about the happy things, keeping ourselves so buttoned up and shielded that we expose nothing to our readers? Should we dare, from time to time, to post something slit from here to there (metaphorically speaking) and show a little more of our true selves than is proper? Or should we just let it all hang out and allow our audiences to shut their eyes or look the other way when they so choose?

There’s no universal answer, and that’s why the aftermath of Catherine’s post was so interesting to me. Her point was that the promise of social media makes us believe that we will be intimate friends with all who ask us to relate with them online. She felt betrayed by that promise, and spoke out about it. Many people agreed with her or echoed her thoughts in the comments (though none so graphically), but some of the people she called out by name were upset and hurt by her rant. Luckily, for her and the rest of the blogging community, Scott Stratten of Unmarketing was brave enough to call her on it and adult enough to make it a learning moment instead of a fight.

What is the “right” level of emotion for a blogger to display? How honest can they be? I think it depends on who they are trying to reach and why. If you are trying to drum up more business, then of course presenting yourself as a polished poised professional is your best bet (but please, don’t be “that guy”). If you are just trying to be more social and grow your network, then being chatty and positive and not too intrusive is probably your best bet. But if you are trying to inspire and motivate others or trying to change the world, you need to get real.

Get Naked, Get Real

In order to connect with people, online or not, you have to show some of your true nature. You have to expose some of yourself. You have to be brave enough to take a risk with your feelings. Without some willingness to open up, you are a bright shiny toy on a shelf to be admired – not a Velveteen Rabbit to share our daily lives with.

If your goal is to connect with people or share your passionate cause, don’t be afraid to be nude online. Say what’s on your mind. Apologize when you’ve made a mistake. Connect with others on something that really matters. Change the world – one naked moment at a time.

Your Turn

Do you have to get naked to make a difference? Tell me what you think in the comments!

Filed Under: Ideas
February 23, 2010 By

3 iNtuitive Tricks to Boost Your Memory

elephant

Photo by digitalART2

Is there someone in your life who seems to effortlessly fly through training classes, courses and tests? Who can volunteer to speak the morning of a Toastmasters meeting and deliver a speech that would take you a week to prepare? Who can reply to a surprise question from the boss at a meeting with a perfectly coordinated reply that actually makes sense?

As I read Scott Young’s guest post “How I was Able to Ace Exams Without Studying”, I was struck by how the ideas he suggests to boost memory come naturally to many iNtuitives (greens and blues). The post is definitely worth a read, and here are three tools he suggests that I use every day. You can apply them, too – no matter your personality type.

Metaphor

How do you describe complex or unfamiliar ideas to others? Okay, now how do you do it so that they understand?

I was first exposed to the value of metaphors when I read Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die. In the book, Chip and Dan Heath describe the power of making an idea stick by comparing it to something the audience already knows.

For example, one of my family members owns some farmland and was offered a chance to purchase the easement that cut through the property. I was given a copy of the offer letter and my six year old, ever inquisitive, asked what the letter said. How would you explain it?

I ended up talking about two birthday cakes – one with a strip of sand running across it and the other without. I asked him which he would rather have. Of course, he said he’d choose the cake without sand. I then explained that this easement ran through the land, splitting it in two and making the easement part of it unusable. Suddenly, a six year old could understand the impacts of a real estate decision.

Harness the power of metaphor. Exercise your ability to compare complex ideas to simple ones. Communicate those ideas to others using comparisons and see whether you see the light of understanding dawn in their eyes.

Mind Mapping

Do you get writer’s block when you sit down to write that article, that report, that research paper? Blank paper (or a blank screen) can be awfully intimidating. Even trying to write an outline can be a challenge. Insert the power of mind mapping.

Mind mapping, simply put, is creating a diagram of circles and lines to brainstorm ideas. You start with one central circle and write the main idea inside it. Then draw a spoke and another circle and, in it, the first related idea that comes to mind. Then the second – either related to your second circle or as another branch off the main idea. As new things come to you, you simply add circles and connecting lines. If you use paper and pen (or pencil), as I often do, you will end up crossing out or erasing lines and connecting the circles in many ways as you re-organize your thoughts. If you do this a lot, you might want to invest in an online mind mapping tool or software like MindManager by MindJet.

The next time you are faced with a blank screen, a timeline, and a product to create, give mind mapping a try. Watch your ideas take shape as your mind jumps from related idea to related idea, unencumbered by outlines or hierarchical bullet points.

Use Mnemonics

Ever take piano lessons? How did you learn the scales? Does the phrase “Every Good Boy Does Fine” ring a bell (for the notes E, G, B, D and F)? How about math class? Did you memorize the order of operations by the phrase “Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally” (for Parenthesis, Exponents, Multiplication, Division, Addition then Subtraction)? If so, you used mnemonics to memorize material.

Acronyms are one of the most common uses of mnemonics. If you are like me, you go to the store often and return carrying all sorts of stuff – yet forgetting the one thing you went to the store to buy. Next time, try using an acronym. For instance, a list like milk, eggs, apples and bacon might create the word BEAM.

Never underestimate the power of an acronym.

Why do I say that iNtuitives often use these tools naturally? Because people who use iNtuition the most usually take in data by understanding connections or fitting it into the big picture. Painting word pictures (metaphors), connecting ideas and relating concepts (mind mapping), and creating word puzzles (acronyms) are natural strengths for most iNtuitives. Those who prefer Sensing (golds and reds) will benefit from using them too.

What helps you remember? Have you applied anything from this article? Let me know in the comments below.

Filed Under: Action Steps, Ideas, Personality
January 17, 2010 By

5 Steps to Get Unstuck

stuck car

Photo by Alan Vernon

One of the reasons we read blogs is to pick up jewels of information that we can apply to our own lives. I just read something that sparked an Aha moment for me. Like many Aha moments, this ideas was not new in and of itself – but I had never applied it to the area of my own productivity before. As Charlie Gilkey writes in his blog www.productiveflourishing.com:

“A warrior who steps on the battlefield knows that he will fight. An alcoholic who steps into a bar knows that she will drink. In both cases, it’s possible that they’ll have the self-discipline not to do what they are disposed to do, but the far wiser option for them is to avoid the battlefield or the bar.”

For weeks now I’ve been struggling with how to build more content for my blog. For weeks I’ve been sitting down at my computer with the intent to write, and winding up an hour or two later having read a lot of terrific posts from other people but with no content of my own to show for it. What’s the problem? I’ve been trying to do one activity in an environment that I’ve long used for other purposes.

I use my time at the computer to read information, not to write it. So I’ve been fighting two upward battles – the battle to begin generating content instead of reading it and the battle to write in a place where I’ve been accustomed to reading.

What have you been struggling to do? Try this 5 step process to gain traction on that activity:

Step 1: Identify the core problem
The problem you think you have isn’t usually the real problem. It’s just a symptom. Dig a little. Use the Lean Six Sigma process of asking 5 why’s. Personal Example: What’s my problem? I can’t seem to get started writing blog content. Why? (#1): I have massive writer’s block. Why? (#2): Every time I sit down at my computer, I end up having read a lot but not producing. Why? (#3): I get so distracted by other tasks I should be doing or interesting links and RSS feeds that I never get around to writing. Why (#4): That’s what I’m used to doing at the computer. Why? (#5): Because I’ve built a habit around surfing for new ideas at the computer, not writing while I’m there.

Step 2: Generate solutions
Brainstorming and coming up with different approaches is something I excel at, so this was fun for me. Some people might struggle. If you find yourself struggling, reach out to someone who always seems to want to try new things and ask them to brainstorm with you. Or ask me a question here in the comments and I’ll try to help you generate possible solutions. Working my way through my own problem above, I get:

  • Knuckle down. Forbid myself to do anything else online until I’ve written at least a draft post.
  • Change the venue. Start writing longhand, at least for the draft, so I can’t get distracted. Type it in later and edit it at the same time.
  • Go with a strength. My muse seems to wake up in the car on morning drives to work. Carry a digital voice recorder to capture the ideas and then transcribe them later.
  • Give up. No one is counting on me to generate content – except myself. If it’s not coming naturally, don’t force it. When something comes along that I can’t NOT write about it, start.

Step 3: Choose An Option
This blog is all about using strengths, so it should be no surprise that my favorite option was #3.

Step Four: Act
This is the step I have the most difficulty with. If you are a Red or a Gold, this could be a strength of yours. I naturally use the Head method for approaching problems (find out more about the Head, Heart, Hands method at www.creatingminds.org). However, if I’m going to take action on something I do best when I just something and change gears as needed along the way.

You must act. You must do something, even if you end up failing. You will learn something new by trying something new, and that will only lead to a more positive outcome than not trying anything would have.

This is where my personal example ends because I have just worked through steps 1-3 above. I will report back on how this worked once I’ve put it into action. Or you will be able to tell because you will soon see more content on this blog!

Step Five: Reflect
Again, not a strength of mine, but I do not question the value of reflection. It’s only by reviewing the result, the lesson(s), and the way forward that you get better over time. Personal Example: I will set a reminder on my task list to prompt me to assess where I am in generating content in two weeks. Look for more info then!

Here are 5 points to notice about my personal example that I hope help you as you are using the steps above:

  • I kept generating solutions even after I figured out one that would work or one that I liked
  • I chose the one that felt the most “shackles off” (find out more about this simple way to evaluate your options by using Martha Beck’s Shackles Test)
  • I didn’t say choose THE one, just choose one (if it doesn’t work, you can test another solution)
  • I chose an action style that feels natural to me (I’m a Quick Start person)
  • I set a milestone date and made myself accountable

Let me know how it goes in the comments below. How can I help?

Filed Under: Action Steps, Finding Passion
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