Mothers do so much for us. They give us life, nurture us through our baby stages, and model behavior so we learn to conduct ourselves and lead a successful life. Now that I am a mother, I know how it feels to make the rules that others live by – and it’s not as easy as it appeared to be when I was little. As adults we might know how to set rules for others, but we often don’t care for ourselves as well as we would care for our child. Do you ever feel as if you are in need of nurturing? Following Mom’s Rules might help:

Rule #1: Get Enough Rest

Remember how Mom insisted on a bedtime far earlier than you felt was necessary? She had a point, and it wasn’t just the health benefits that a good night’s sleep grants you. The truth is, you turned cranky when you didn’t have enough sleep. And you still do.

A night without enough sleep sets you up to be more reactive, stressed, and temperamental than you would be otherwise. Someone cuts you off in traffic and you get all worked up. You arrive to work already frustrated, which isn’t the best frame of mind when your coworker in the cube next door starts bickering with her boyfriend on the phone for the fifth time this week. You have a headache by mid-morning from clenching your teeth and trying to complete the project due today, and you just aren’t making any progress. This sets you up to reject the next Mom’s Rule:

Rule #2: Eat Your Fruits and Veggies

It’s finally lunchtime, and your stomach isn’t happy with it’s four cups of coffee for breakfast. Healthy food at this point? Come on, who has the time? Besides, on a day like this you need comfort food. You’ll get back on your eating plan tomorrow. You need to cut yourself a break. Today, no one else will. So you down that plate of nachos and a refreshing soda, and then go in search of that chocolate bar you saw in the break room earlier.

Without food in your system, your body will crash like last year’s housing market. That lunch wasn’t food. It was processed junk. If you haven’t read Michael Pollan’s recent book In Defense of Food (affiliate link), spend the $10 today. It’s worth every penny. It’s not your imagination that Mom’s food tasted better 20 years ago. It really did. The ingredients were fresher, chemicals weren’t added to every product you ate, and the bitter taste of artificial sweetener resigned foods that contained them to the adult’s world. These days it’s hard to find foods without sugar, corn syrup, or chemicals in them.

As Pollan says, “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” It’s that simple. Not easy, but simple. Mom knew that 20 years ago, and if we had continued with her advice we would all be a lot healthier.

Rule #3: Go Play Outside

What a day! You get home and fling yourself on the sofa. You’re beat, and you deserve a beer while you watch some TV. Yep, time to veg. You’ve earned it. But what, exactly, did you earn? The chance to placidly re-live the experiences of others through your favorite reality show while you order takeout? Is this what you want in life? A few programs later, you suddenly realize that it’s 11:30pm. Whew! You made it to the end of the day, and you are exhausted. Definitely time for bed. You have another long day ahead of you tomorrow.

Wait a minute! What is this madness? Let’s rewind.

A Day Following Mom’s Rules

The alarm goes off at 6 and you’re able to get up without hitting the snooze button 5 times, which means you have time to grab a quick breakfast before heading off to work. Boy, are you glad you got to sleep by 10 last night! Traffic is heavy, but no worries. You listen to a book from Audible on the way, and your creative genius wakes up with some fun new ideas.

You settle into your cube and start on the project that’s due today. An hour into it, you hear your coworker in the next cube yammering on the phone as usual. Should you confront her? Nah, it will only distract you. You put your headphones on so you can focus on the work at hand.

Around 10 your stomach starts growling, so you munch on an apple while you outline the three points you need to make during your next presentation. The next two hours fly by since you are so absorbed in your work.

Suddenly you realize it’s lunchtime and you need a break. You think of some food choices based on what will actually fuel your body, and with some choices in mind you head down to the cafeteria. You spot a friend in line, and invite her to catch up during lunch since you have a few minutes. You enjoy your chicken breast, green beans and fruit while hearing about your friend’s latest escapades. Refreshed and somewhat full, you head back upstairs to get to that 1pm meeting. You only have a couple of hours to finish that project, but you refuel with some carrots and hummus and email the final draft to your boss before leaving the office.

What a day! You get home, change clothes, and grab a handful of nuts as a quick snack before heading out the door. You need to get outside, if only for a few minutes, to clear your head and separate work from relaxation. You grab Bowser’s leash and chat with a couple of neighbors during your walk around the block.

Relaxed and back home, you make dinner and enjoy your evening while you visit with friends or family. You watch your favorite program, then turn off the TV so you can write a blog post or Tweet with your friends before it gets too late. You’ve had a full day, and you want to be rested for tomorrow.

Do your Mom’s Rules help you live a stronger life?

Forget living a whole life following Mom’s Rules. Striving for daily perfection can cause stress of it’s own. But how about for one day? One week? Do you notice your outlook changing?

What were your Mom’s rules when you were growing up? Which ones could help you in your life now?

Do you have a relationship or situation that causes you stress and anxiety, but that you cling to anyway – trying everything you can think of just to hold on to it? Recognizing and dealing with an energy drain is tough. Perseverance is a respectable quality, but holding on to something that brings turmoil and chaos into your life won’t do anyone any good. Least of all you.

This week I had to give up a pet. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.

We found a stray dog on vacation in 2008 and brought her home. We named her Jingles because we found her on Christmas day. She was pitifully thin, sweet as could be, nervous as heck and we opened our hearts and home to her. We had a dog already, but decided that we could make room for one more. We nourished her and nurtured her, got her spayed and housebroken (eventually), and built up her confidence over time. She had issues with other dogs, so we invested in training classes and dog behaviorists to help her. Six months into it we knew we were over our heads, but it took us another year to finally decide to find her a new home.

The struggle was enormous, but in the end it came down to this: the stress was poisoning our family. Sweet as she was, adding a second dog was draining us of energy. She would get jealous of attention paid to our other dog, compete with him for food, and always seemed in a frenzy to claim more of us. She needed a family who could spend more time with her during the day, not one where both spouses work. She needed more exercise, though I did try to conquer my phobia of bicycles in an effort to fulfill her needs. She needed more kids to rub her tummy. She needed a household where she could be the only pet. And I believe that we have found her one.

What does this have to do with engaging your strengths?

Perhaps nothing on the surface, but I believe the reason we are given challenges in life is to struggle through them, learn lessons and share the stories with others in the hope that it can help someone else. Besides, you might have wondered where I’ve been this past week.

There is something entirely relevant about this story. Identifying, developing and communicating your strengths takes energy. You can’t do any of these things if that energy is being constantly drained by a stressful situation or relationship.

Are you trying to make a tough decision about giving something up?

I wanted to make a three point process out of this, but it really comes down to 5 questions that only you can answer:

• Have you tried several different solutions to resolve the problem?
• If you found something that helps, can you sustain the changes needed to make things better?
• Can you actually solve the problem instead of just reducing the symptoms?
• Will putting up with the problem now help you create a better life for yourself in the end?
• Is the problem likely to change with the passage of time?

In our case, the answers were: yes, no, no, no, and no. At that point our decision was clear. We did find some things that helped, but nothing would actually solve this. It was a misfit of needs, of energy levels, and of personalities. I will never know why she came into our lives if it wasn’t so we could keep her in our family. A wise friend of mine suggested that the reason might have been to help her become adoptable by a new family. That thought provides me some comfort.

Jingles seems happy in her new home with her new family, though she will always hold a place in our hearts. We have more time for each other and our other dog. We can come home and relax. We can all breathe. And I’ve learned a powerful lesson.

Your energy provides you the strength to lead a powerful life. Make sure you are spending that energy on things that are important to you. And be willing to acknowledge it when something is draining more energy than you can replenish.